Journals129
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20k
1 min read
20k Kiriban coming up >.>
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A Spark of Motivation
1 min read
i has one now.
More coming.
Thanks to those who have believed in me so far.
More coming.
Thanks to those who have believed in me so far.
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Gross
3 min read
So I really want to post more things... I've grown so disinterested in showing the community what I do in school, and I don't really know why. That's why I haven't been posting much work: the things I'm doing half the time I don't know if I even should be posting because I don't really like all that I'm putting out.
Some of it's all right, and sure I am a harsh critic - but on the whole, I'm not really emotionally invested in any of the work I'm putting together. Maybe in Joe's class (which right now is Type 2) but other than that, I'm very dissatisfied with my experience at ILIS.
I feel like I made a huge mistake (and yes, yes I did) when I left ISU - but on the same hand, I didn't know at that point what I wanted to get into - and it was at the point where telling my parents I would want to return there again would be kind of ridiculous, and anyway I don't know how much of it I really liked... the point is that I wish I would have did art when I was going to a state school. This trade school stuff is kind of bullshit. The teachers I get are good about 40 percent of the time, and granted while the ones I get are amazing - the ones that aren't suck and are a complete and utter waste of my time and money.
Then of course we have saturday classes because in three years from now, us going on Saturdays will make enough money for our school to renevate the top floor of our building so that we can have a culinary program in addition to the art.
A culinary program that I have absolutely no affiliation with nor would I be entering. A culinary program that will start to be built up two and a half years after I finish MY time here.
But you know, me going to school on Saturdays is making that dream come true.
...And that's why I hate my school. I've been here a little over a year and a half now. I feel like I wasted that year and a half. Now I have to put the final year and a half together, and continue the seemed lie.
Is it? I don't know, but I sure as hell feel like my degree that I will be obtaining is more or less a joke.
I think the school, with my money in their wallet, is laughing, but I sure as hell am not.
When something makes me feel motivated again, I'll post.
Nat
Some of it's all right, and sure I am a harsh critic - but on the whole, I'm not really emotionally invested in any of the work I'm putting together. Maybe in Joe's class (which right now is Type 2) but other than that, I'm very dissatisfied with my experience at ILIS.
I feel like I made a huge mistake (and yes, yes I did) when I left ISU - but on the same hand, I didn't know at that point what I wanted to get into - and it was at the point where telling my parents I would want to return there again would be kind of ridiculous, and anyway I don't know how much of it I really liked... the point is that I wish I would have did art when I was going to a state school. This trade school stuff is kind of bullshit. The teachers I get are good about 40 percent of the time, and granted while the ones I get are amazing - the ones that aren't suck and are a complete and utter waste of my time and money.
Then of course we have saturday classes because in three years from now, us going on Saturdays will make enough money for our school to renevate the top floor of our building so that we can have a culinary program in addition to the art.
A culinary program that I have absolutely no affiliation with nor would I be entering. A culinary program that will start to be built up two and a half years after I finish MY time here.
But you know, me going to school on Saturdays is making that dream come true.
...And that's why I hate my school. I've been here a little over a year and a half now. I feel like I wasted that year and a half. Now I have to put the final year and a half together, and continue the seemed lie.
Is it? I don't know, but I sure as hell feel like my degree that I will be obtaining is more or less a joke.
I think the school, with my money in their wallet, is laughing, but I sure as hell am not.
When something makes me feel motivated again, I'll post.
Nat
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Still Alive
1 min read
TBH I just wanted the ranty, whiny post gone.
Still here. Expect updates in the near future.
Nat
Still here. Expect updates in the near future.
Nat
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0_@
6 min read
I have had one hell of the past 2 quarters.
I thought that getting into Art School was like, a ticket to the train that rode in the direction I wanted to go. I didn't know that the ticket was going to cost more than I had in my pocket.
I understand that everyone is going through rough times because our economy is going down the shitter. I understand that I probably shouldn't be complaining... it's just that it seems it is virtually no different than it was in HS...
let me illustrate to you verbally what I am talking about:
in HS, I remember one day while sitting in the lunch room as a senior, a girl behind me prattling loudly about her new car. She had just turned 16, so Mommy and Daddy bought her a brand new Mustang convertible. But, she said, it wasn't red like she'd asked for, it was black. So she said she'd be taking it back and seeing if they could switch to a red one for her.
What?
In college, for our Advanced Photomanipulation final, we had to get it printed and professionally mounted - which would be all right I guess if it was an 8 by 12 or something, but it was 24 by 36. I understand that in the real world several things like this are printed out by companies... but you don't see people printing out their works like this all the time... I mean, I don't think so anyway. Fact of the matter is, there are people who during their finals are working a full time job and going to full time school - I don't know how they manage it. I know that I am not only living check to check, but my bank account is currently negative... and I am in a wee bit o' debt to my parents. It's pay-off-able... but certainly not while I'm taking classes. Especially when they spread you out over multiple days and you're a commuter student. I hate the fact that 1/5 of my pay immediately goes to my gas mileage.
And then there are the people whose parents pay for everything.
Who complain about the work.
1. If you're getting a free ride, then keep your damned mouth shut about the amount of work you're doing. You certainly aren't working in addition to your schooling, so you have no reason to complain.
2. There are a lot of SHOULD and SHOULD NOTS about the world that I wish I could fix. I know I can't. I just see things and wish that they WERE fixable.
I guess I'm just venting, but it's so rough right now. I wish I could go back in time and tell my younger self to put away money... to not "seize the day" at every opportunity. If you seize too MUCH of the day, you won't have any left to seize later on... or something. I know what I'm trying to say there, believe me.
I feel that I'm learning a lot while in school.. but also that the school is screwing me over with money. I know that non-art-schools have a tendency to do this as well, but not nearly to the degree that art school seems to. I'm saying this and I'm RECEIVING lots of financial aid. That means that in addition to you know, showing up for class, I actually have to make decent grades, which isn't always easy when you're also working a job.
Someone mentioned that it isn't the grades that the people who hire you look for; it's your portfolio. They said don't worry about making decent grades, just worry about making things look good. It's hard to do that when your ride to school depends on your grades. I'm just doing as well as I can, and hoping that the following does not occur:
1. I get an ulcer
2. I fail out of art school
3. I don't fail, but my financial aid is revoked due to barely passing grades
4. I fall further into debt with persons other than my family
5. I forget who I am
6. I continue smoking cigarettes
really it's a vicious cycle. I've already blabbed enough here... and really, if you know me fairly well, you probably have heard all this already. I just...
I feel not as motivated as I have in the past. I want to be doing something outstanding again, and I feel that I have so little time to do anything anymore... and I really feel suffocated with work/school/stuff for family. I wish there were something to alleviate all things; it's like the stress in my life is making my... condition... pregnant with nervousness... and I need to either birth the massive stressball, or just seriously lose the stressors as weight or something, I don't know. Hell, I don't know why I'm making these ridiculous analogies.
let's try all this again as a recap:
a) Finals are finally through
b) They've been rough the past 2 quarters
c) Sometimes I feel like my school fucks me over, but then I realize that schools are businesses too and they need to survive. It helps me understand the situation a little better, but it certainly doesn't make me feel better about it by any means.
d) I want to feel motivated again to be doing things that I enjoy, I feel like I haven't been in a class like that for awhile now
e) at least I know people love me
f) rich whiny kids need to stop sucking the teat of their collective parental unit and go find out what it's like to work in the real world. I think I'm only saying this because my parents don't monetarily support my decision to go to Art school... so I feel envious of anyone whose parents actually do
g) I'm really glad I'm on break and likely will be getting plastered from time to time this holiday season. Sometimes the getting plastered assists in the motivation... in ways you never would expect
I'm leaving you guys that have read this far with this:
Thanks for supporting me.
Thanks for listening.
Thanks for being part of this community. Sometimes I leave for odd lengths of time, and then come back. I just know that dA is going to be around for a long time to come, and the past 6 years have treated me quite well. I'm glad to be a member, for what it's worth to me (even if sometimes it might be bitching in an online public journal), and for what it's worth to you.
Peace.
Nat Fisher
I thought that getting into Art School was like, a ticket to the train that rode in the direction I wanted to go. I didn't know that the ticket was going to cost more than I had in my pocket.
I understand that everyone is going through rough times because our economy is going down the shitter. I understand that I probably shouldn't be complaining... it's just that it seems it is virtually no different than it was in HS...
let me illustrate to you verbally what I am talking about:
in HS, I remember one day while sitting in the lunch room as a senior, a girl behind me prattling loudly about her new car. She had just turned 16, so Mommy and Daddy bought her a brand new Mustang convertible. But, she said, it wasn't red like she'd asked for, it was black. So she said she'd be taking it back and seeing if they could switch to a red one for her.
What?
In college, for our Advanced Photomanipulation final, we had to get it printed and professionally mounted - which would be all right I guess if it was an 8 by 12 or something, but it was 24 by 36. I understand that in the real world several things like this are printed out by companies... but you don't see people printing out their works like this all the time... I mean, I don't think so anyway. Fact of the matter is, there are people who during their finals are working a full time job and going to full time school - I don't know how they manage it. I know that I am not only living check to check, but my bank account is currently negative... and I am in a wee bit o' debt to my parents. It's pay-off-able... but certainly not while I'm taking classes. Especially when they spread you out over multiple days and you're a commuter student. I hate the fact that 1/5 of my pay immediately goes to my gas mileage.
And then there are the people whose parents pay for everything.
Who complain about the work.
1. If you're getting a free ride, then keep your damned mouth shut about the amount of work you're doing. You certainly aren't working in addition to your schooling, so you have no reason to complain.
2. There are a lot of SHOULD and SHOULD NOTS about the world that I wish I could fix. I know I can't. I just see things and wish that they WERE fixable.
I guess I'm just venting, but it's so rough right now. I wish I could go back in time and tell my younger self to put away money... to not "seize the day" at every opportunity. If you seize too MUCH of the day, you won't have any left to seize later on... or something. I know what I'm trying to say there, believe me.
I feel that I'm learning a lot while in school.. but also that the school is screwing me over with money. I know that non-art-schools have a tendency to do this as well, but not nearly to the degree that art school seems to. I'm saying this and I'm RECEIVING lots of financial aid. That means that in addition to you know, showing up for class, I actually have to make decent grades, which isn't always easy when you're also working a job.
Someone mentioned that it isn't the grades that the people who hire you look for; it's your portfolio. They said don't worry about making decent grades, just worry about making things look good. It's hard to do that when your ride to school depends on your grades. I'm just doing as well as I can, and hoping that the following does not occur:
1. I get an ulcer
2. I fail out of art school
3. I don't fail, but my financial aid is revoked due to barely passing grades
4. I fall further into debt with persons other than my family
5. I forget who I am
6. I continue smoking cigarettes
really it's a vicious cycle. I've already blabbed enough here... and really, if you know me fairly well, you probably have heard all this already. I just...
I feel not as motivated as I have in the past. I want to be doing something outstanding again, and I feel that I have so little time to do anything anymore... and I really feel suffocated with work/school/stuff for family. I wish there were something to alleviate all things; it's like the stress in my life is making my... condition... pregnant with nervousness... and I need to either birth the massive stressball, or just seriously lose the stressors as weight or something, I don't know. Hell, I don't know why I'm making these ridiculous analogies.
let's try all this again as a recap:
a) Finals are finally through
b) They've been rough the past 2 quarters
c) Sometimes I feel like my school fucks me over, but then I realize that schools are businesses too and they need to survive. It helps me understand the situation a little better, but it certainly doesn't make me feel better about it by any means.
d) I want to feel motivated again to be doing things that I enjoy, I feel like I haven't been in a class like that for awhile now
e) at least I know people love me
f) rich whiny kids need to stop sucking the teat of their collective parental unit and go find out what it's like to work in the real world. I think I'm only saying this because my parents don't monetarily support my decision to go to Art school... so I feel envious of anyone whose parents actually do
g) I'm really glad I'm on break and likely will be getting plastered from time to time this holiday season. Sometimes the getting plastered assists in the motivation... in ways you never would expect
I'm leaving you guys that have read this far with this:
Thanks for supporting me.
Thanks for listening.
Thanks for being part of this community. Sometimes I leave for odd lengths of time, and then come back. I just know that dA is going to be around for a long time to come, and the past 6 years have treated me quite well. I'm glad to be a member, for what it's worth to me (even if sometimes it might be bitching in an online public journal), and for what it's worth to you.
Peace.
Nat Fisher
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